Reentry

Here I now found myself, alone in the pre-dawn darkness, after just having departed Barão de São João, on the final day of the Via Algarviana adventure. My camino of over 300km would soon be complete. What would that mean? Would it even mean anything? Well, with just about a marathon’s worth of walking remaining, I’d still have some time to ponder this question.

As I continued to move through the cool early morning air, I was, once again, blessed with a majestic sunrise. Soon I would be back in the ‘land of the living’, but this ‘Ghost in the Machine’ was going to do his very best to extract as much energy as possible out of these final moments of solitude and silence. I do these caminos and other kinds of adventures, which involve spending lots of time alone, because I have found them to offer me the most effective avenue to deal with any issues or questions that I may have in relation to my life. You know, basic existential shit like, “Am I happy?”, “Am I even on the right path?”, and “Do I even understand where it is that I’m headed.” These thoughts were starting to weigh more heavily on me as the kilometres ticked over and away at a slow, but steady, pace.

I have essentially been living as a monk for the past 6 years, completely having shut out, how should I put this, all feminine energies, save for that of the only two women in my life, my mother and daughter. On the few occasions that I’d been approached by a laydee during this time, I’d been very quick to switch to my resting 1000 mile bitch face stare. My daughter actually calls me the ‘Prince of Darkness’, and I would have to agree with her on that, given the ‘get the fuck away from me’ vibes that I’ve been emitting over this past half decade. Getting involved with me during this time would have, with a 100% guarantee, not ended well at all!

From afar I saw,
to where my trail was leading.
Time to reenter.

‘Reentry’ by Jyri Manninen

When I had gotten divorced some 6 years ago, after 18 years of marriage, the sense of detachment I’d felt from the world around me, had been incredibly overwhelming. I could just as well have been orbiting the Earth in a small, single man pod, unable to make any meaningful contact with other people … nor even having the desire to do so, even if that would have been possible. However, as I closed in on Cabo de São Vicente, I was now sensing that something had shifted within me. I’d become aware that a small, warm, glowing light was burning gently in my chest, and I was surprised by the energy that was emanating from its core. It was beckoning, or perhaps even challenging, me to once again make myself available, to open myself up to exploring the beautiful light, but also the heavy darkness, of feminine energies. While I was more than aware that, despite all my hard work on recovery, and on improving myself to a completely new level of strength and fortitude, I didn’t yet possess sufficient balance in my life. However, maybe I’d now done enough work on myself, and also paid sufficient penance, to earn another shot at a deeper, more exquisite happiness? 

As these revelations unfolded in my psyche during the final moments of this long trek, I certainly still understood that this new path, which was revealing itself into my consciousness, was only the very beginning of a new phase; and it is a phase I will call, ‘Reentry’, as it feels like I have begun my descent through the atmosphere, pulled down by the magnetic attraction towards my opposite, yet complementary energies, and, through that, eventually back into the world of the living … and loving.

Be blessed,
Jyri